In Bold Speech, Biden Calls On Ships To Stop Crashing Into Bridges

U.S. · Mar 26, 2024 ·

U.S. — After a cargo ship collided with Francis Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore causing the structure to collapse, President Biden gave a fiery speech in which he unequivocally called on ships everywhere to stop crashing into bridges.

“I mean it, folks! It’s gotta stop!” said Biden to a small group of adoring fans in the press. “Ships have to stop with all the bumping into bridges and whatnot. If you’re a ship and you’re thinking about smashing a bridge, you’d better change your mind right now. I won’t stand for it. That goes for trains, too. No more bridge crashing.”

Biden then fell asleep standing up, as it had been over 2 hours since his last snooze.

Transportation Secretary Buttigieg also issued a statement from a private chateau where he is spending additional maternity leave with his adopted twins. “What we really need to determine here is if there was racism involved,” he said. “Wherever you see large cargo vessels careening into bridges, you can bet that white supremacy is behind it. I promise to address this as soon as I’m back from my maternity leave.”

Biden later awoke from his snooze to issue one last dire warning to ships everywhere, and offer hope to the American people. “This essential piece of transportation infrastructure will be built back better,” he said. “After spending $300 billion and 32 years, we’ll have that ol’ bridge back as good as new! Except this time we’ll name it after a black hero, such as George Floyd.”

At publishing time, Biden was forced to double-down on his bold rhetoric after the Goodyear Blimp collided with the Brooklyn Bridge.

After reading this, I am confused as to whether or not this is satire. Pete Buttplug saying racism had something to do with the bridge collapse is a bridge too far! Pun intended!


WTF ! It’s Baltimore where EVERY white has to be racist . A place where taxpayers continue to rebuild after every fucking black riot !!!
Taxpayers put up over 80 million each time fuck them .

100% satire.

The Bee.

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50 Years Ago Baltimore Burned. The Same Issues Set It Aflame In 2015

For more than a week, hundreds of homes and businesses were torched and more than 5,000 National Guard troops were deployed to restore order.

Baltimore’s riots in 1968 were not simply about King’s death. The unrest laid bare problems linked to the city’s long history segregation and economic disparities, which resurfaced during the city’s latest civil unrest three years ago.

This scene was repeated throughout the city as numerous grocery stores, dry cleaners and appliance shops were destroyed — most owned by white folks no longer living in the majority black neighborhoods where their businesses were located.

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