Biden’s Plans For His First 100 Days
Following his inauguration, speculation has turned to what President Joe Biden will do with his first 100 days in office. The Onion takes a deep dive into the first 100 days of the Biden administration.
Day 1: Rejoin World Health Organization’s 5k Family Fun Run.
Day 4: Return misprinted T-shirts that say “Build Back Butter.”
Day 9: Repeal Obamacare.
Day 18: Close old gun law loopholes to allow room for growth of new gun law loopholes.
Day 32: Whip the White House softball team back into shape.
Day 41: Pass bipartisan plan to raise minimum wage to $15 an hour by hiding the legislation from Republicans.
Day 55: Mild heart attack.
Day 73: Organize summit to urge sun and clouds to do more to stop climate change.
Day 89: Dig up the time capsule that he and Barack buried.
Day 100: Ensure he has comprehensive excuses for his failures despite the Democratic trifecta.