Democrats unveiled, a new statue of Martin Luther King on Boston’s historic common. It’s absolutely horrific it looks like MLK is holding a large piece of shit in his hand. Lol you can’t make this up.
With All The Female M&M’s Off In Their Own Bag, Male M&M’s Finally Enjoying Some Peace And Quiet
U.S. — Male M&M’s everywhere rejoiced after the announcement by Mars, Inc. that the female M&M’s are getting their own bag. The male M&M’s hope this change will finally give them some much sought-after peace and quiet.
According to sources, the red, yellow, blue, and orange M&M’s are hoping this means they can finally get a little rest and relaxation, lounge around all day, and just hang out with the bros without being nagged to death.
“Yeah! Um, ‘Empowered Women Empower Women’ or whatever it is, right guys?!” said the Red M&M. “It’s more important than ever to support women and give them their own space and stuff. And… I guess us boys having our own bag to stretch out in that’s chatter and drama-free is pretty nice too.”
When asked for comment, the Orange M&M described his experience so far without the female M&M’s in the bag. “It’s amazing in here now! We’re free to snore, no need to clean up after ourselves or put the seat back down, and I can manspread as much as I want!” said Orange. “We should have pushed for all this female empowerment stuff years ago!”
At publishing time, the male M&M’s were “kinda, sorta” starting to miss the girls again as life in the bag was starting to smell, everyone was getting hungry, and they needed a little help taking care of the Minis.
I think I broke lou, lol
Join the others I broke
Yet Another Stash Of Classified Documents Discovered During Biden’s Colonoscopy
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House is on edge this morning after investigators revealed a fourth stash of classified documents from Biden’s tenure as Vice President was found deep in his colon.
“This morning a routine colonoscopy revealed hundreds, possibly thousands of partially chewed top-secret documents crammed in the President’s digestive tract,” said White House physician Kevin O’Connor. “It seems many of them were eaten, while hundreds of others were inserted rectally by an unknown party or Biden himself. We have handed over all partially-digested documents to the Special Counsel in charge of the investigation. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I need a shower.”
Officials are at this point unclear whether the documents were ingested on purpose or swallowed inadvertently, as sources say President Biden has always had a folksy, endearing habit of putting random things in his mouth and swallowing them.
At publishing time, doctors had confirmed the colonoscopy also turned up another hard drive linked to Hunter Biden.