Autistic environmentalist Greta Thunberg has appealed for help after traveling halfway around the world “the wrong way” because the United Nations moved its global climate meeting from Chile to Spain.
“As #COP25 has officially been moved from Santiago to Madrid I’ll need some help,” tweeted Thunberg, “Now I need to find a way to cross the Atlantic in November… If anyone could help me find transport I would be so grateful.”
Perhaps she can ask her new friend Leonardo DiCaprio for a ride on one of the private jets he uses to fly around the world to climate events?
Gives new meaning to “lost at sea” which is a perfect analogy for the Environmentalists and their arguments! You can’t make this stuff up, it’s comedy fodder!
Well - maybe Leonardo DiCaprio can fly her over there on his private jet. He’s allowed to have one because he supports the Green New Deal and is famous. I’m sure no one will mind if the autist gets a free ride.
Spain has a training sailing frigatte for its navy cadettes - the Juan Sebastián de Elcano with 300 sailors and 90 midshipmen. Spain is contemplating to dispatch the Elcano for America to pick up Greta and sail to Spain in time for the Madrid climate conference.
This will all be carbon neutral, as the sailors may have to go vegan for the trip.
Greta Thunberg needs to get fucked. Imagine being in Alabama with this preachy prissy mumble munchkin. You pull up to the Candlewood suites in a fucking Dodge Challenger with aftermarket headers and parts that get you 11 miles per gallon. One rev of the engine and she’s already getting inexplicably moist in her room from the sound of your massive fuel-guzzling V8 roadboat.
You get out and take a minibike running on a lawnmower engine through the parking lot and into the lobby of the hotel because FUCK walking, we didn’t invent internal combustion to scuttle around with our dicks on our hands. Moonwalk down the hallway to the elevator while turning every thermostat you see on full blast and spraying CFC-saturated aerosol air fresheners everywhere. Check your phone in the elevator and hit up your broker app really quick to buy a thousand more shares of Exxon, BP, and Shell stocks while shorting anything that has to do with solar and wind because solar panels look fucking gay and windmills are for dipshits. Reach Greta’s floor, backflip into her door, breaking that shit down and sending splinters flying everywhere setting off fucking car alarms and barking dogs. Her primal Scandinavian woman survival instinct kicks in and she immediately presents herself to you from all the viking raping and pillaging burned into her Nordic DNA.
You put a plastic non-biodegradable bag from Walmart over her muppet face, set a cooked rack of barbecue ribs on the small of her back, and go to town, throwing the cleaned rib bones at the back of her stupid cantaloupe head in between thrusts. After blowing your load and covering the room in non-vegan protein, you wipe your monolithic dong on her priceless handmade native American uber-sustainable fairtrade honestly sourced hippie sweater. Jump out the fucking window into a formula 1 race car and cover the hotel in black rubber as you burnout and blaze off into another American night.
I think that everyone who has publicly expressed support for Greta should be held to the Greta standard.
That means all of the Hollywood elite, politicians around the world, and the ultra wealthy should abandon their private aircraft and travel the way this mook does.
Yo: retarded Swedish girl; You were going the right direction, but you need to stop in the east to enrich them with your wisdom. China should be your first stop, followed by numerous SE Asian cuntries, then India, and don’t forget Africa (all of it). I am sure they would welcome you with open arms. In fact in parts of South Africa, The Congo, and Liberia, they would welcome you with an open pot!